Again My Dear
Poetry
My dear, your OCD will make you feel like you’ve lost control
Especially when people come and people go
It leaves a hole deep inside — a void and the terror of the unknown
but my dear, we are raised to show no fear
How many times I have been told to take my emotions and harbour them alone
To heal on my own because apparently struggle shouldn’t be shown
Even if it tears me down to nothing but skin and bone
Honestly, this mentality should be thrown out the window
It’s not a sin to show how you feel, your emotions are real and valid
It messes with the flow of what you expect and what you know
Everything follows a strict routine that is unseen by others
We don’t want anyone to discover the intensity of our mind
Scared to be defined by the obsessions and compulsions and push them away
People don’t understand why we abide by our intrusive thoughts
You see I’ll explain it the best way that I got
Every day of our lives we have fought with the countless impulses, images, and thoughts
Completely distraught by the anxiety of not completing a behaviour or ritual
Convinced that a mistake in the habitual nature can cause intense harm to someone in the future
I count things in 3’s, but sometimes that’s still not enough to help me breathe
I have to follow a routine of actions by the number or something bad will happen to a family member or loved one
How can I bear with the harm that I’ve inflicted on someone? It wears me down on a daily basis
Even though it may not be my fault, by default OCD makes me feel like it is — there is no room for error
There is nothing I can do to prepare for the OCD attacks that follow
They constantly bring back unwanted memories, making me feel like my thoughts are my greatest enemy
Sure sometimes it makes for good art, but what happens when it completely rips you apart?
Dragging you right back to the start even though it took months to make good progress
There’s nothing more degrading than failing just as you start to regain control.
When your thoughts no longer start with the consequences of harming someone you love and you feel like you’ve risen above the negative thoughts and impulses
You feel empowered and whole for a split second, then fall down further below the lowest of lows
Out of sight, out of mind but these obsessions and compulsions blind us from rationality
Thoughts stack and blend until we are unable to defend ourselves from the inner workings of our brain
Disrupting our internal function, unable to refrain from the obsessions and compulsions
OCD and its anxiety abstaining us from living our normal lives
We really have got to start raising awareness
The unfairness of the stigma is just too strong
It makes us feel like we are wrong for something we can’t control
At this point it won’t be long before OCD suffers feel alone and drowned out
filling their own heads with doubt about their struggles
There is a demon inside my mind; it suffocates me and makes me blind to rationality
Believe me, it’s not easy to overcome even if it seems like a joke to some who don’t comprehend
We live in our own little bubbles but sometimes we should lend a helping hand
Part 1: “My Dear”
