Where Did My Family Go?
A not so “happily ever after”
Growing up I always pictured my family as the definition of perfect. The family that lives in a nice home on a quiet street, with parents who love endlessly while raising two children and caring for the family dog. Yes, that definition of perfect. We would go on road trips together and walks every evening, until one day it was no longer perfect. My mother and father began to fight, my sister and I no longer wanted to be home, and family time came to an end. Eventually, so did living under the same roof. The picture-perfect family crumbling until it was just my mother and I moving into a small apartment, and no time to see my father. Somehow, I thought this was all my fault. The perfect family now the definition of a broken home, where communication was rare, and hearts were broken.
Experiencing my parent’s divorce altered my perception of trust and love, making me reserved and unwilling to communicate with new people. I believed it was better to be shy than to subject myself to the pain of people walking out of my life and leaving me in a vulnerable state. I experienced so much hurt watching my parents disconnect and eventually end their relationship, that I did not want to subject myself to the same. Being shy required a lot of effort from people to engage with me. Most people did not have the level of patience or tolerance to get involved. I was labeled the “shy kid” and that was enough to make people leave me alone. When people left me alone, I had more time to process how my parents’ divorce made me feel and how to stop internalizing it.
Divorce ruined the perception I held about love. My perception of love was heavily influenced by Disney movie’s and their insistence of “true love.” True love defined as two people meeting and immediately falling in love, living happily ever after in a fairy-tale world where there is no conflict, and everything is perfect. Seeing my parents fall out of love within a couple of years as if it meant nothing, scarred me. I refused to experience romance because the idea of falling out of love was horrifying. I always thought I never wanted to experience love because I did not want it to become a word with no meaning. If this happened, my hopes of “true love” would be crushed. I guarded my heart and trusted no one, and I thought that would make me happy. Running away from all relationships took a toll on my self-esteem.
By the age of 21, I have evolved into a strong individual and do not leave my feelings in the palms of others. I watched my mother and father slowly piece themselves together, discover who they have become, and let go of all the anger they have held onto for so long. Seeing this contributed to my own personal self-growth. If my parents could survive through the challenges of divorce by fighting really hard on their journeys of self-recovery, then I too can begin to trust people and fall in love. I have become a strong individual who does not shy away from anything life has to offer me. After all, you live, you learn, and you thrive; something that I would not have learned if I did not experience my parent’s divorce alongside them.
